Sheiky Unicorn Sexytimes: A Ninja Review

April 14, 2015 Naughty Ninjas, Reviews 4

This book may be unsuitable for people under 17 years of age due to its use of sexual content, drug and alcohol use, and/or violence. So, if this kind of stuff makes you a little squeamish, this may not be the book for you.

When one of my ninjas asks “Who wants to review some unicorn erotica?”, you’d best believe I’ll have a crack at that task. I did, and guess what?? It was every bit as batshit crazy as I had expected, and a fair dose more.

The esteemed Lady Ninja, Rhyll Biest brought this charming book to my attention on Facebook the other night, and after recovering from the epic impact of the cover and the bonkers title, I skipped on over to Amazon and took up the challenge of reviewing this:

Ravished by the Unicorn Sheik - Ivory GothicI know, I know….you are stunned by its magnificence….or maybe just a little bit stunned. Once the cloud of crazy had cleared, I began to consume this tasty morsel of uniporn.

Here’s a quick breakdown of Ravished by the Unicorn Sheik:

Jessica Winters wasn’t expecting much excitement on her brother’s archaeological expedition, but that was before she met Sheik Zacharan. The handsome unicorn has plans of his own.

If you read E.M.Hull’s classic novel and thought “this needs less rape, way fewer words, and a unicorn,” this is the story you’ve been waiting for.

I was going to wait until I had written this review to share my thoughts on Ravished by the Unicorn Sheik, but shit got weird really quickly, so thanks to the wonders of Facebook, I live-reviewed it to Rhyll.

Basically, it starts with Jessica being stuck out in the desert with her brother and his grad students. All of a sudden, she comes across a black stallion, who ends up being a unicorn. Apparently, unicorns can sense virgins, but Jessica is not. She however muses that “Maybe unicorns didn’t count anal” which is why the unicorn has obviously picked her.

Then Jessica suddenly goes riding off on the unicorn into the desert. They end up at a tent, where he shape-shifts into a swarthy sheik. But guess what?? HE KEEPS THE HORN!! Even better, his name – Sheik Zacharan Glitterblade. GLITTERBLADE!!!

Things start getting a little bit spicy, and out comes his man-wand. Here’s where shit got crazy. I don’t care what floats your boat, but if someone came near me with a wrist-thick pork sword sheathed in black horse hair, I’d be screeching like Janet Leigh in the Psycho shower screen.

Sheiky von Unicorn is full of the sexy dialogue – “Tremble all you want, little filly….but you’re going to be mounted and bred”.

When he realises that he is the first to travel into the babycave, Sheiky tells Jessica they must marry. My thoughts when I saw this – F&$K yeah, unicorn wedding!

Sadly, this was not to be. The end came quite abruptly at the watering hole when Sheiky returns Jessica to the camp, and the grad students try to get rapey. Then Sheiky switches from horsey to human, and suddenly it ends.

I never thought I’d be reading a book about shapeshifting unicorn sheiks, let alone feeling ripped off at the prospect of missing a unicorn wedding. I was looking forward to the spectacle! Frighteningly awesome thought, eh?

So what do you read after a book like Ravished by the Unicorn Sheik? You could try Dominated by the Billionaire Condominium or  Ravished by the Dominant Gothic Mansion. If you are bang-up for some more uniporn, there’s always Doctor Unicorn’s Secret Mistress.

I’m not sure I can actually apply a rating to this book because it was just way too bizarre. However, it was a freaking blast to read.

As you know, I am always up for a challenge when it comes to new books, so if anyone has a suggestion for something I should try, drop me a message in the Comments or on the Facebook page.

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4 Responses to “Sheiky Unicorn Sexytimes: A Ninja Review”

    • Roz

      Sadly, no, Georgina! There were a couple of moments I was expecting him to start headbutting the babycave with the porny horn, but to no avail.

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