Taken by the Toaster: A Ninja Review

May 6, 2015 Naughty Ninjas, Reviews 4

Let’s face it, there isn’t a hell of a lot out there, in Romancelandia & the rest of the book universe, that is going to shock me these days.

If you have seen what I have been posting recently, you’d see I’ve read some pretty crazy books – the sheiky unicorn and the tentacle pet among them.

So when I picked up my copy of the book I am about to share with you, I thought “Yay, more 90 shades of bonkers!”. However………

I think I may just have hit my limit of crazy. Hard to believe, I know, but it is true!

Taken by the Toaster, brought to you by the rather interestingly-named Dick Thumper (yes, that is correct), is possibly the most bizarre piece of sexytime writing I think I may have ever read. Sometimes, when I come across these titles, I can see a measure of tongue-in-cheek humour – when you are writing sexytimes between humans and Tetris blocks, I would guess that would be important. However, while reading Taken by the Toaster, it often felt like “Sweet baby Jeebus, I think this dude is serious……”

Here is the blurb for Taken by the Toaster:

Taken by the Toaster – An Inanimate Love Story

John unwraps his present on Christmas day to see that his parents have bought him a toaster. But this isn’t just any toaster…this toaster accepts WIDE slices.

John’s insatiable lust for his kitchen appliance comes to a bread head when he finally satisfies his desires of being Taken By The Toaster and the two engage in a steamy bout of “Setting 1” love-making.

Now, I’m all for doing what makes you happy. But, for the sake of all that is holy, ROOTING A TOASTER???!?!?!?!?

There are moments where he is imagining the toaster seductively whispering come-ons to him, while he is giving it a special cuddle, that left me wanting to have a shower to clean off the skeeviness. When John is contemplating the future use of Sudocream to soothe certain external appendages, and considering the potential for food preparation, I felt a little ill.

I really don’t need to go into too much detail about this book, because – let’s be honest – the title pretty much says it all. I really do hope that Old Mate who wrote this was taking the piss….please let this be the case.

This epic piece of crazy was brought to my attention yesterday on Twitter by Jennifer Porter from Romance Novel News. Jennifer, it is every bit as bat-shit bonkers as you suggested it would be! 🙂

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4 Responses to “Taken by the Toaster: A Ninja Review”

  1. amyrosebennett

    I’m wondering if the author of ‘Taken by the Toaster’ is ‘A Red Dwarf ‘ fan…because if the toaster in question was like Talkie-toaster, at least there would be some A-Grade banter going on!

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