Let’s face it, there isn’t a hell of a lot out there, in Romancelandia & the rest of the book universe, that is going to shock me these days.
If you have seen what I have been posting recently, you’d see I’ve read some pretty crazy books – the sheiky unicorn and the tentacle pet among them.
So when I picked up my copy of the book I am about to share with you, I thought “Yay, more 90 shades of bonkers!”. However………
I think I may just have hit my limit of crazy. Hard to believe, I know, but it is true!
Taken by the Toaster, brought to you by the rather interestingly-named Dick Thumper (yes, that is correct), is possibly the most bizarre piece of sexytime writing I think I may have ever read. Sometimes, when I come across these titles, I can see a measure of tongue-in-cheek humour – when you are writing sexytimes between humans and Tetris blocks, I would guess that would be important. However, while reading Taken by the Toaster, it often felt like “Sweet baby Jeebus, I think this dude is serious……”
Here is the blurb for Taken by the Toaster:
Taken by the Toaster – An Inanimate Love Story
John unwraps his present on Christmas day to see that his parents have bought him a toaster. But this isn’t just any toaster…this toaster accepts WIDE slices.
John’s insatiable lust for his kitchen appliance comes to a
breadhead when he finally satisfies his desires of being Taken By The Toaster and the two engage in a steamy bout of “Setting 1” love-making.
Now, I’m all for doing what makes you happy. But, for the sake of all that is holy, ROOTING A TOASTER???!?!?!?!?
There are moments where he is imagining the toaster seductively whispering come-ons to him, while he is giving it a special cuddle, that left me wanting to have a shower to clean off the skeeviness. When John is contemplating the future use of Sudocream to soothe certain external appendages, and considering the potential for food preparation, I felt a little ill.
I really don’t need to go into too much detail about this book, because – let’s be honest – the title pretty much says it all. I really do hope that Old Mate who wrote this was taking the piss….please let this be the case.