I have been a little quiet lately, however I think I may have discovered the reason for my radio silence. These books, that the ever-devious Rhyll Biest keeps recommending that I read, have stunned me silent.
First it was the toaster-loving basement dweller, then it was the creepy cuttlefish-shifter menagé. Now we have this – billionaire unicorn/T-Rex shifter erotica.
Yes, you read that correctly. Billionaires. Unicorns. Dinosaurs. Oh, and ice cream, too! I am not sure exactly where Rhyll finds this stuff, but let’s be honest, as dodgy as these are, I will keep reading them as long as she keeps finding them.
The most recent book from the Ninja Review pile is:
Taken for Ice-Cream by Countess von Fondle
I don’t know who you are, author person, but I freaking love your pseudonym!!
Here is a little snippet of what Taken for Ice-Cream is about:
When innocent Amber Avery moved to New York City from a trailer park in Texas, she never imagined she’d meet Trevor Thor, the world’s most mysterious and handsome unicorn billionaire. She certainly never dreamed that he’d ask her out for ice cream. How can she resist? What begins as a sensual flirtation ends with an explosive, erotic encounter at the Love Love Ice Cream Parlor. But Trevor Thor has a monstrous secret, and if he loses control, that secret could cost Amber her life!
TAKEN FOR ICE CREAM features an aspiring ballerina, a unicorn billionaire, a fancy office, a Ferrari, an ice cream carousel, rainbows, glitter, explicit sexual content and horribly bloody T-Rex violence, It is intended FOR MATURE READERS ONLY.
This 6100 WORD erotic short story is Part 1 of the My Billionaire Unicorn T-Rex Shifter series.
Amber, the virginal heroine (unicorns & virgins, who knew they were such a common combination) has an envelope to deliver to the mysterious Mr Thor. Somehow, she faints from oxygen deprivation (how you do this inside a building, I’m not sure), and after being rescued by the horned one, they trot off to his ice cream parlour.
After they whinny-groan their way through a metric crap-ton of ice cream, Amber gets a brain freeze and Trevor nuzzles her face, saying:
“Move your hands, I can heal your pain“
Now that Trevor has turned all Billy Graham-faith healer on Amber, shit starts to get freaky!
Of course, now that juices are flowing, Trevor can sense Amber’s innocence. Apparently, all virgins smell of the “purest blueberries”. Obviously, fruit gets TT mega-horny (pardon the unicorn pun).
From this point on, there’s rearing up, Hulk-like suit tearing, massive horsey wang and rainbow ballbags a-plenty! By now, Amber is shaking “like a small dog”. Dear sweet baby Jeebus, leave the other animals out of this…if only for my sanity.
So, apparently the unicorn horn is a squidgy spot with a direct line to crotch town. As you can imagine, TT’s culmination is…well, majestic!
It involves glowing pink bits, rainbow ‘fluid’, glittery shuddering plastic teddy bears, and carousels playing Tom Jones. Top-shelf crazy right there.
…And then he becomes a T-Rex and eats one of his staff.
As you do.
Just when I think I have hit my limit, Rhyll uncovers another hidden gem in the uniporn mine.
There is so much crazy in this, I literally cannot even….
This is apparently the first in a series by Countess von Fondle, and I think the next one involves hot air balloons.
Holy snapping arseholes, Batman! The river Crazy flows freely through these pages, and despite the vaguely unwell feeling I got in the reading process, it was a freaking fun read.